What He Really Thought of Your Halloween Costume

 By Bryant Clark

This is a first in a series about insight into the heterosexual male perspective for the sake of the lady folk. This is not your typical feel good Cosmo advice so buyer beware. Don’t think of it as advice as much as helpful hints when dealing with the heterosexual male variety.

Our first order of business regards how men view female Halloween costumes. To understand how men view the costumes you first need to understand how men view Halloween itself.

Halloween is a grand opportunity to show off not just your body but also your personality (no bullshit). Men want to see your tits, this is true, but what you choose to dress as will speak volumes to the men around you. What you have to understand is that, for men, Halloween costumes are almost completely synonymous with role-playing costumes (you know...like sex). Because of this, what you choose to wear will impact the snap, almost unconscious judgements that men will make about your sexual personality.

For example, if you showed up in the bedroom dressed like a power ranger, you’re either weird, not secure enough to wear a sexy outfit, or you’re cool as hell... just not all that sexy.

If you role-play as a school girl, you might be smart and you probably like to be spanked.

If you role-play as a cheerleader, you’re probably really enthusiastic, you love to yell out things in the sack, you love attention...and you LOVE the penis.

And while we’re at it... don’t be a cat. On Halloween, a guy sees cat ears and thinks BORING or at the very best generic. The costume that is too safe shows lack of commitment and lack of confidence.

Also, a word to the wise- don’t be too specific. On Halloween, a man’s easiest conversation starter is talking about your costume. If you’re some hot character from some obscure comic book or something, not knowing the reference will make us feel stupid. Men hate feeling stupid.

All in all you want to play to your strengths. Choose a costume that fits part of your personality. If you can, develop a character to pretend to be all night; or at least until you get too drunk to pretend anymore. That’s super sexy.

Again, we assume it means you can role-play not just in costume, but acting in character as well. Honestly, what could be better? But don’t over think it. Don a tight white dress with red lip stick and call yourself Marilyn Monroe; guys will eat that shit up.

To review: sexy baby? Not sexy. Sexy cop? Super sexy. You get the idea....